Just got off the phone with Suzanne today after talking about the Uyen situation. I got a better and more broad perspective of my damage. I think the damage is too great right now that only time can convince us to talk to each other again. I very well know what she is thinking right now about me and how I portrayed her as a monster. I, too, am a monster. A beast (hur hur). I am a beast that caves in itself and does nothing else, but to eat and sleep. When provoked I can do chaotic things.

I realize what I did was through blinding anger. What I should have not done was post that negativity on Facebook upon friends of friends to read and have second opinions of her. I could have just privated it myself and read upon it later and delete when I cool off. It's too late now and things escalated to what have been just to get her attention, but sparked fury as others defended her.

I wish to talk to her again soon, but it's all too soon. I immediately thought of her when Mitsuwa had their Pearl Soy Milk cartons on sale. I rewatched several Ghibli films from a rare DVD set she gave me one day in high school. More and more things around me started me to remind me of her. I felt guilty.

Looking back.... I am pretty damn selfish with friends. I admit it. Sometimes I do not deserve friends because they are so good to me, yet I do these awful things to them.

_|￣|○ fail.

Unhealthyness

I know that I'm apparently unhealthy looking. You know, my obesity. I realized that I haven't exercised regularly and my weight peaked around my birthday, which was the first week of March (people kept taking me out for rich dinners). Oi...

Today I jogged and power walked 3 miles today at my high school's track. Having big thighs make your shorts ride up while joggling or running. It's not cool. Maybe I should try one of those skin-hugging shorts. Running shorts? Bicycling shorts? I don't know. We'll see.

Will blog more tomorrow. G'nite!

Smells like Zine Spirit

I'm stoked. :)

Ahhh...

I can't stop reading about this stuff: Hollow Earth, Subterranean Civilization. I keep having dreams about how life underground is like. I was skeptic about the illustration or diagrams drawn about our mantel core and such in our geography textbooks. I feel like there's always something porous hidden underneath our lithosphere.

I believe...

that there is subterranean life living on earth.

I need a massage.

I'm so tired! =_= Worked 10-12 hours straight today. Fuck. I'm going to shower and start working again after I wake up. I have to maintain good posture and make sure I stand or walk around stretching every 20 minutes.

Sometimes I'm glad I don't have a job right now.

My soy milk excursion

Mitsuwa has them for 1.29 this weekend. Sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeet!~

Seriously.

Gotta stop dutch-ovening myself. :P

AX stuff that I've been working on.

I'm making tons of stuff along with a couple traditional paintings submitted to the Art Show. Julie, Jen and I have a table at AX's Artist's Alley! We're located at B-22. I'm excited!

SORRY!

I think I'm just going to do frequent posts of word-rambling vomit here.

Ever since Uyen and I have not talked for a while I often wonder what she is doing at this moment. Knowing her this long and her ways, I hold my standpoint. I am entirely innocent. I rather have Uyen and her sister come over and talk to me about it rather than hearing one side of the story. I will not apologize because I feel I didn't do anything wrong other than addressing that "slandering" post I made a while back. It's not deleted - it's just hidden so that I may recover it later. "Slandering." Ha, sounds like slithering snake! Maybe I'm just snaking her out. It's not intentional, but I just know people took it the wrong way - especially on the internet. Things can be so ambiguous sometimes.

As for facebook...I hate the internet and facebook together. Too much of the "now" is happening every second, every minute. It's bothering me. Sometimes I don't give a shit what people say or do. I don't mind if they do the same with me. It's more like each person is holding a megaphone and blurt out crap that people either ignore or pay attention to. I guess that's why I don't really go on much or do much on there. Sometimes I feel like I should come back years later to see any changes happening. That would be noticeable rather than subtle minute things happening every minute. I also think my fat ass is getting bigger the longer I stay logged on. I wonder what will become of us in the future with all the buzzing of guess-what happenings.

Other thoughts. Hmmm. Oh, yes! My bike. I think it's been about a few months now since I mentioned about getting a Fuji Feather. I think some of my guy friends think I will never get it now. At this moment I'm just using the money I saved into making many cute pieces for Anime Expo's Artist Alley to sell. Sometimes I feel like I don't need a fixed gear bike, but it looks more simpler without that derailler attached. I'd love to have one regular road bike when I have extra disposable income in the future. I remember this Asian girl had some text on her messenger bag and it said, "My bike takes to places where school could not." I thought, wow.

That added to the drive in getting a bike as well. I'm tired of being a lousy Asian driver and I don't like to drive in general. I take too much space! Hahaha. I want to explore every nook and cranny of my area and most likely beyond before sundown without worrying about mileage and gas. Then I'll be able to post more about my adventures! :D

It's 2:26 AM now. Gotta sleep!