We Are the People

I totally want to do a guitar cover on this awesome song:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a47Y1lCRHlM

Just breathe

If there was a theme song for "Ready to Breathe" it would be this one:



Listening to this just reduces the stress levels that's going through right now. As a reminder to myself, "just breathe."

Face. Desk.

A lot of times when I'm being straightforward I tend to throw people off.

I am so awkward. I don't know how to handle these situations. What situations? People in general, I suppose. Sometimes I need people to spell it out for me rather than telling me to "figure it out." I understand things more directly than indirectly. It would be like me asking Yoda, "What do you mean the force is around me? How?" When I'm stuck, I turn to a few friends who has a great degree in knowing my personality and my actions to guide me. They tell me things that I'm too blind to notice or paint me a bigger picture of the problem so I would understand.

I believe I create damage when I do things passively. A lot of times I am unaware of it. Sadly. Sometimes people get offended when I take too long to think about what I have to say because I tend to take my time to collect, comprehend, and formally say what's necessary. Otherwise, it will be a sea of verbal vomit.


Personally, I think being absent from social interactions is better than me creating more damages when I go out. Or is it being absent from social interactions has made me worse?

Excuse me for being very vague in this post. My mind is not in the right place right now and I'm not sure how to express a lot of things into words. When my words are limited, my communication is limited.

October.

October. October.

There is romance in the air during this time as couples like to dress up together, but I need someone to be around with during the spooky times. Kind of hard to choose because new potentials are everywhere.

Ughhhhhh! I wish he would talk to me more often! ;o; Maybe he thinks I'm not interested in him, but I don't know how to go about talking to people. What is there to say? Sometimes I wish it was easy like with Mr. Free-spirit, but he may have plans.


Onto bike riding, I don't think I'll be riding out with OD this month since I had a creepy experience with a 33-year-old hitting on me and that he looks forward in seeing me every week. :( CREEEEEEEEPY. *shudders*

Hardcore jogging tomorrow and everyday after.

Mr. Free spirit

Met up with Mr. FS today. Truly a free spirited person. It's been 2 years since I'd last seen him and he was so excited for my visit that he couldn't sleep. Aww. Looking at the past, I was pretty sure it was a bit of discontinued communication since he went through a lot in his life. He was really bummed out when he couldn't find me as he didn't have internet for so long. I'm glad he has a roof over his head and that he is doing well. He still has his charm. :)

addicted.

I would like to exchange art with someone. Anyone.

Not feeling good.

I would date a Korean chick. :3

The short haired one(non eye covered), Ga-in, is so fine.

Organ Donors Ride #2

Tonight I rode from FV Costco to In-n-out near UCI. Yay!

Boys.

3 boys in my life. Each wanting to get closer to me. I'm giving them a lot of chances and my patience. I'm not sure if they like me genuinely as I like them. Sometimes I just want to be closer to them even if there's no relationship involved. Kind of like friends with benefits, but more on a spiritual level. Feeling me? In society, a girl who expresses her sexual desire for a man may make her seem like a whore, but for a guy they become labeled as perverts. How can you really tell when it's a mutual thing? If someone asked me in a subtle way that they want to "make love", I think I would consider the level of bonding we have with each other before going off to do things intimately. Sometimes I believe that there's a point where friends love each other so much that they want to express it with their bodies without going on to label each other as "girlfriend and boyfriend." I feel that I am strong enough not to have any personal attachments as long as it's declared from the beginning for mutual understanding.

I feel that I will choose one based on how I feel about them strongly. Sometimes it's just things I remember about them that will make them stand out. I'm a sucker for guys who make me laugh and who seem to hold interest in what I say even if it's insignificant. The attentive listeners and those who are eager to teach me things gets bonus points. I guess I have a teacher-student complex, but I was never interested in dating my teachers. :P

Sometimes I feel that boys don't really give me enough chances to fully know me in person instead of knowing me through someone else's words. I don't really open that quickly, unless I'm around people who are on the same level of interest or hype as me. In terms of the psychological order of intimacy, I prefer lots of eye contact and touching. :) Especially a soft grab on my arm is sort of telling me "hey."

The number one thing that guys do that turns me off: being rude (it's pretty bad if that's my first impression of you). What you do to me is what I'll do to you. Be nice and I'll be nice to you. Be respectful and you will get the same from me.


Sleep time. Zzz.

I need you so much closer.

I need you so much closer.

I need you so much closer.


I need you so much closer.


I need you so much closer.

I wonder if being persistent can be rewarding or even worthwhile.

Gee. Thanks.

[It was my friend's birthday the next day on August 7th]





---------------

Maybe if she had told me a week sooner I would've been able to go. It's just that she said it in a way where I can't go at all as if it's expected. I am able to, but it just depends if I wanted to go or not - if she had asked in advance! People are so last minute these days... =_=;;

You taste good.

Today I had a chance to ride out my bike. Feels great to be caressed by the cool wind. Bike came home about yesterday. Totally in love with it. I need a women's saddle though. Gotta save.

Why am I up so late? I discovered this 2006 awesome anime called ケモノヅメ or kemonozume (beast claw). I've watched 8 episodes so far and the story is so gripping. I can relate a lot to it with my deep interest in monsters and my love for eating meat. :P It has a romeo-juliet complex to it where monster girl meets hunter human boy. Can't spoil the rest. You have to watch it! I realized it's similar to twilight, but it's a lot better. :P More gore please. ;)

bike GET!

Less than 7 days until 'Mudkip' comes home. Why did I even name it before I haven't seen it in person? It might be called Minty instead. Depends. So excited!!! Tee hee! :B

I'm about to buy my bike right now. :O Oh Mercier me!

Boys and girls. Dress shoes are a plus.

Hmph.

Chatting online is so ambiguous. Seriously. Just call me. I have so many leftover minutes. I want to hear your voice as well so I can differentiate the tone and context of the conversation.

blarg.

My ex emailed me today. He wrote about how he misses me and attended AX for the last few years in hopes of finding me. I'm not ready to see him since I'm such in a morbid state right now, i.e. fat.

*edit*

Meh. I didn't bother to reply to his email. It's just a booty call letter.

warblgarbl

'Zine' went pretty well. Sorry. Not in blogging mood. It's 1: 46 AM and I have class at 9? AX is sucking the life out of me.

Just got off the phone with Suzanne today after talking about the Uyen situation. I got a better and more broad perspective of my damage. I think the damage is too great right now that only time can convince us to talk to each other again. I very well know what she is thinking right now about me and how I portrayed her as a monster. I, too, am a monster. A beast (hur hur). I am a beast that caves in itself and does nothing else, but to eat and sleep. When provoked I can do chaotic things.

I realize what I did was through blinding anger. What I should have not done was post that negativity on Facebook upon friends of friends to read and have second opinions of her. I could have just privated it myself and read upon it later and delete when I cool off. It's too late now and things escalated to what have been just to get her attention, but sparked fury as others defended her.

I wish to talk to her again soon, but it's all too soon. I immediately thought of her when Mitsuwa had their Pearl Soy Milk cartons on sale. I rewatched several Ghibli films from a rare DVD set she gave me one day in high school. More and more things around me started me to remind me of her. I felt guilty.

Looking back.... I am pretty damn selfish with friends. I admit it. Sometimes I do not deserve friends because they are so good to me, yet I do these awful things to them.

_|￣|○ fail.

Unhealthyness

I know that I'm apparently unhealthy looking. You know, my obesity. I realized that I haven't exercised regularly and my weight peaked around my birthday, which was the first week of March (people kept taking me out for rich dinners). Oi...

Today I jogged and power walked 3 miles today at my high school's track. Having big thighs make your shorts ride up while joggling or running. It's not cool. Maybe I should try one of those skin-hugging shorts. Running shorts? Bicycling shorts? I don't know. We'll see.

Will blog more tomorrow. G'nite!

Smells like Zine Spirit

I'm stoked. :)

Ahhh...

I can't stop reading about this stuff: Hollow Earth, Subterranean Civilization. I keep having dreams about how life underground is like. I was skeptic about the illustration or diagrams drawn about our mantel core and such in our geography textbooks. I feel like there's always something porous hidden underneath our lithosphere.

I believe...

that there is subterranean life living on earth.

I need a massage.

I'm so tired! =_= Worked 10-12 hours straight today. Fuck. I'm going to shower and start working again after I wake up. I have to maintain good posture and make sure I stand or walk around stretching every 20 minutes.

Sometimes I'm glad I don't have a job right now.

My soy milk excursion

Mitsuwa has them for 1.29 this weekend. Sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeet!~

Seriously.

Gotta stop dutch-ovening myself. :P

AX stuff that I've been working on.

I'm making tons of stuff along with a couple traditional paintings submitted to the Art Show. Julie, Jen and I have a table at AX's Artist's Alley! We're located at B-22. I'm excited!

SORRY!

I think I'm just going to do frequent posts of word-rambling vomit here.

Ever since Uyen and I have not talked for a while I often wonder what she is doing at this moment. Knowing her this long and her ways, I hold my standpoint. I am entirely innocent. I rather have Uyen and her sister come over and talk to me about it rather than hearing one side of the story. I will not apologize because I feel I didn't do anything wrong other than addressing that "slandering" post I made a while back. It's not deleted - it's just hidden so that I may recover it later. "Slandering." Ha, sounds like slithering snake! Maybe I'm just snaking her out. It's not intentional, but I just know people took it the wrong way - especially on the internet. Things can be so ambiguous sometimes.

As for facebook...I hate the internet and facebook together. Too much of the "now" is happening every second, every minute. It's bothering me. Sometimes I don't give a shit what people say or do. I don't mind if they do the same with me. It's more like each person is holding a megaphone and blurt out crap that people either ignore or pay attention to. I guess that's why I don't really go on much or do much on there. Sometimes I feel like I should come back years later to see any changes happening. That would be noticeable rather than subtle minute things happening every minute. I also think my fat ass is getting bigger the longer I stay logged on. I wonder what will become of us in the future with all the buzzing of guess-what happenings.

Other thoughts. Hmmm. Oh, yes! My bike. I think it's been about a few months now since I mentioned about getting a Fuji Feather. I think some of my guy friends think I will never get it now. At this moment I'm just using the money I saved into making many cute pieces for Anime Expo's Artist Alley to sell. Sometimes I feel like I don't need a fixed gear bike, but it looks more simpler without that derailler attached. I'd love to have one regular road bike when I have extra disposable income in the future. I remember this Asian girl had some text on her messenger bag and it said, "My bike takes to places where school could not." I thought, wow.

That added to the drive in getting a bike as well. I'm tired of being a lousy Asian driver and I don't like to drive in general. I take too much space! Hahaha. I want to explore every nook and cranny of my area and most likely beyond before sundown without worrying about mileage and gas. Then I'll be able to post more about my adventures! :D

It's 2:26 AM now. Gotta sleep!

:D  Fanime is next month so I better deco as much as I can!

I almost vomited today, but I quickly swallowed it.  I don't understand why I am rejecting food even though I have not eaten much.  Everyday I have eaten less and less.  

I'm 1/3 away from saving up for a new fixed bike.  I still like the fuji feather.  Maybe I'll browse for others when I have the time.

Just do it.

Running tomorrow. Aiming for 8 miles around the park at least everyday. I want to get my toned 15-year-old body back.

I deactivated Facebook forever finally. I think the best way to get around doing something is to stop doing things that are slowing you down.

*edit* I lied. Haha. Oh gawd. One day I will shut it down. I swear. One day...

Boys and girls

I really don't like how some boys call girls superficial. 

Not every girl is superficial.

I wonder what would the boys think if we called them cocky or jerks.

Not every boy is cocky or a jerk.

Boys and girls, please get along.

Ken

My Japanese pen pal of 5 years wrote to me recently:

"Hi, Tran!

I am Ken.  Remember me? (^^)

How are you?

I have many things to do nowadays, but i am enjoying daily life.

Being busy may be happiness for me, haha.

I think you got good job and work now.

Well, I would like to know what you do and what you are interested in.

I want to tell you about what laboratory I will enter.

Next month, i will be alloted to a laboratory but I haven't known in detail yet.

So, I thought I should send you this mail to you next month, but I have something to say to you.

Happy birthday!

ken"

D'awwwwwwwwwwwww! :3

facebok + friends

So I deactivated my facebook account for the 15th time this year.   Sometimes I feel certain people shouldn't bother going through my pictures simply because facebook had made things more... stalker-ish?  

I think it was pretty selfish of me to end a friendship with someone by simply removing them off a friend's list.  It was cruel and unfair, and yet they eventually discover why they couldn't find me to comment on my birthday.  

I think this second friend whom I ended my friendship with didn't really see me as a friend, but as someone to use and do favors for.  It's been several months now and I do feel guilty.  The only thing that's keeping me from re-friending them is that I think we will eventually return to the state of "use and abuse" which I loathe so much before.  I always thought she was naturally manipulative in many ways to have people do things.  Wow, if I had the ability to do that I would be rich from upselling people!  Yet she was using that ability for the wrong things, especially in me.  I didn't like it.  I chose to be distant for another long while.

The first friend I regrettably ended my friendship with temporarily is considered to be even more distant.  Haha, I think in literal terms too.  I think about what I have done in the past though.  I was very immature, impatient, bold, demanding, pushy and needy much like Scarlet from Gone with the Wind.  He was very easy going and living every day for its moment.  Not a bit of worry went through his mind in exception of papers to write. 

At the time, I was ridiculously infatuated with him.  It was obvious.  When I like someone, really like-like someone, my mind is somewhere else and I forget important things like my bag or keys.  I don't know why.  It itches me every time I think I once had a crush on him, but now he has completely surpassed my time of interest.  Sometimes we don't speak in the same level of thought nor did he not know how to reply to certain things like personal situations.  Now I just seem some girl with problems.  A girl that is not normal with the rest of the world.  A girl who is insecure and not happy about herself.  I don't think I am.  I think my I was over my head back then.    Too bad we don't speak often anymore.  I think my other friends are better friends with him than myself.  Heh.  I think I'm a bad friend on my part for being selfish.

Well what do you mean I'm selfish, you ask?  I think I have some expectations out of a friend.  I kind of question their friendship.  Are you worthy of my friendship?  Sometimes I overlook bad qualities that you have including forgetfulness, lust or greed.  When you have qualities that I don't like it affects me in a way where I don't see where it's headed toward our friendship and then I just call it off.  Yes, I'm bad.  I kind of rekindle the friendship if they change somehow or if they are really persistent to stay as my friend.  Maybe I should be the one who should change.

It's late. I have class at 9 AM.   Off topic, but I think I want to play with my keyboard again.  My fingers want to dance on some keys.  We'll see about tomorrow after the Hikki event. G'nite.

Cute! Hehe.

Hikki

Tuesday night I'll be heading up to see Utada Hikaru in LA with Laura and Amanda.  I'm not a fan of her music now, but I'd like to see her perform in person.   It's free too. 

I made a public blog mainly for thoughts and other random musings.  Take it as an open diary because it can be taken as offensive or as something light-hearted.  The written entries will be pretty damn honest and not soften any story even if the person I'm writing about will read it here. Again, I have in mind that the public will grace their eyes on me and this blog. 

Cheers, 

Minty