Just got off the phone with Suzanne today after talking about the Uyen situation. I got a better and more broad perspective of my damage. I think the damage is too great right now that only time can convince us to talk to each other again. I very well know what she is thinking right now about me and how I portrayed her as a monster. I, too, am a monster. A beast (hur hur). I am a beast that caves in itself and does nothing else, but to eat and sleep. When provoked I can do chaotic things.

I realize what I did was through blinding anger. What I should have not done was post that negativity on Facebook upon friends of friends to read and have second opinions of her. I could have just privated it myself and read upon it later and delete when I cool off. It's too late now and things escalated to what have been just to get her attention, but sparked fury as others defended her.

I wish to talk to her again soon, but it's all too soon. I immediately thought of her when Mitsuwa had their Pearl Soy Milk cartons on sale. I rewatched several Ghibli films from a rare DVD set she gave me one day in high school. More and more things around me started me to remind me of her. I felt guilty.

Looking back.... I am pretty damn selfish with friends. I admit it. Sometimes I do not deserve friends because they are so good to me, yet I do these awful things to them.

_|￣|○ fail.